Showing posts with label personal reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal reflections. Show all posts

Single Parenting

Author: Anu Karthik / Labels: , ,

April 29th 2010

As someone who has had a mother who stayed at home and a dad who worked almost round the clock but mostly from our home, I have never been alone all my life. I have not known what it is to come to a home where hot tiffin is not ready. I have not experienced what it is to have only one parent or have someone you value very much living away from you for any period of time. 

With K being away due to work for the first time for a week, I am a single parent to Mr. V. What was meant to be a couple of days ended up being a WHOLE 5 days. I know it is not that long but try pausing on the 55555555 and maybe it will seem like. And while it has not been physically taxing, emotionally it has been extremely painful to say the least. It is not something I want to do anytime again.

And while I prod along waiting for him to arrive tomorrow, I have been thinking this whole week of all the single parents in this world who have so become either by choice or because of a lack of one. I have been thinking of the strength and endurance they must have to not only earn a living but to also hold the family together with no emotional support that you so unconditionally get from a good spouse. And worse still I think of the people who have had to lose someone they love and worse a child who has lost his parent and how the family would deal with that. The thought is unbearable for me, I pray for those who live that reality.

And I continue to learn lessons in humility and be in awe of the supreme and say my prayers with more fervency. And also be more thankful for what I have today and that K continues to not mind taking the trash out. 





P.S. This week's trash waits for him too.

7 comments

Passion

Author: Anu Karthik / Labels: ,

March 1st 2010

I have already written about this emotion earlier. But this post is focused on a different meaning of passion. It is focused on 'a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything'. I talk about the passion that Rancho lives by in the movie '3 idiots'. 

After V, watching movies is a luxury and we allowed ourselves that when we watched 3 movies back to back on 3 nights a couple of weekends ago in the wee hours of the morning as he slept. The only noteworthy one was this . A totally feel good movie that made me want some more. I fell in love despite trying not to with Rancho and his passion and zeal for what he did. I could empathize with the characters of Raju and Farhan because much as we would all like to be Ranchos the reality is that we live in the shoes of Raju and Farhan with a dash of Rancho if we are lucky :P And that is where this  post is headed.

If we really think about where we are in our careers and in our lives in general, it would be a place reached with a path taken that was based on a lot of planning, analysis and practicality. The trick is in understanding how much of an ingredient 'passion' was in that mix. If it was not, then have you learnt to be passionate about what you have ended up with? If the answer to both part a) and b) is a clear NO then I am willing to bet that you are unhappy many times and are constantly searching for ways to enrich your life. Do I sound a bit like Dr. Phil, believe me I am not trying to.

At one of the workshops at work, I came across this session I took where they asked us to take the Passion Test. It involved writing down things that you are passionate about and would do in an ideal situation and things you are doing with your current life or situation. And wonder of wonders those who were happy were those who were doing what they were passionate about at least to some extent.  If you end up with 2 different lists totally and there is no mesh between what you would ideally be doing and what you are doing everyday, how can you be happy?


In another instance, in a career development workshop, there was a discussion about how trying to be in a place where your talents, passions and work match is key to a person being successful in his/her job. Same deal, there too.



And I sat there thinking..how come no one ever taught this day 1 in school or in college even for that matter. Well, if your passion is to be a snake charmer then that might need some revisiting, but even then you could try to pursue it as a hobby, right?


Anyway, in my own personal experience I have found that I work well when I do things I am passionate about.  Even if I have to do something I don't like, I try to offset it by doing other things that I care about. So end result is that one is still happy.


Life is too short to waste, so go on and discover your passions and try to make it happen.

5 comments

Foie Gras

Author: Anu Karthik / Labels: ,

March 1st 2010

I had not heard of this until last Thursday when I received a forwarded e-mail with some information about the same. This translates into 'fat liver' and is a delicacy that is produced by force-feeding a goose and then purposefully fattening its liver. Maybe does not sound too bad in words but made me puke my breakfast almost when I saw the picture of the poor bird with the metal tube shoved down its throat and corn fed in. I cannot erase its eyes looking into mine ever I think, so helpless and as if making a plea. You can read more here . 

To clarify, I am not trying to advocate vegetarianism as I am not qualified and commit many crimes of my own. This e-mail only made me look a little bit deeper into how even though I am educated, I tend to take the easy way out and ignore many things as long as I am not exposed to it head on! For example, have I ever wondered how the cows whose milk I drink and the hens who eggs I eat are treated in their farms. I don't think any cow was made to be machine milked. Just mere internet browsing enlightened me that the male calves are killed or disposed off as soon as they are born and in general calves are separated from their mother as soon as they are born because the mother has to be milked. I cannot imagine that I am a consumer of this product.  You can read more here .

Where am I going with this, I don't know. I am thinking and need to think some more. For starters-the killer whales in Sea World used for entertainment, the animals in the circus, the granites in our homes, the diamonds on our hands, the crackers at Diwali - all gotten subjecting another to misery to bring a smile on our faces.  Is it worth it? How demeaning it is to see the king of the jungle jump to the tune of the ringmaster's whip? Why blame the whale for doing what comes to it naturally - it is not called a killer whale  so it can eat small pieces of tuna, is it?

I had to vent because I don't have answers but I hope my body follows my mind as I need to make some lifestyle changes. Easier said than done. Some things are easy to give up while some others not so much but maybe I can atone for some of the sins I commit by exploring alternatives and  giving back in other ways. I hope and pray.

6 comments

India

Author: Anu Karthik / Labels: , ,

Feb 17th 2010


"India". When I hear this word, a few hundred thoughts run in my mind and I feel a sense of longing, pride and happiness that I never experienced truly as long as I was there. Another proof to the adage "Distance makes the heart go fonder". It is quite close to a decade that I have not lived physically in the country and am more a visitor, but I live there so much more mentally than I ever have in the 20 odd years I spent in my desh.

You can take yourself away from India but you cannot take the Indian out of you. Living in the land of opportunities has its pluses, in fact I think you crave your homeland more because of the peace and ease of every day life here. If you are faced with corruption everyday and frustrated because you are dependent on people to get your things done, you are not going to be in a mindframe to appreciate the beauty or feel sorry about the deprived around you. One is going to be too focused on the umpteen personal battles to be won everyday.

As an Indian living here, I have also been asked the question many many times "So are you going to settle here or go back?". The answer to the question that I always give which is the truth too is that "I don't know, I am living one day at a time." And I say this with the full realization that that is the truth and not in any way trying to evade the question. I am not ashamed to admit that my time here has made me a more compassionate person, has truly made me explore my potential to the maximum. It is living here that I have learnt to look beyond just my home and my family and share and volunteer. But it has also made me see India for what a great country she is and appreciate the people and the diversity in which they co-exist so much more. And it has also many a time made me feel sad about how most of her wonderful treasures are just not treasured.


Why now? Well, I took a recent trip to India and this caused a surge of feelings during the onward journey, my time there and some realizations when I came back. I love it here and I love it there, but I can be in only one place at a time now right? But the key is to be physically and mentally in the same place at the same time, so I am not sitting in Oregon and wanting to go shopping in pondy bazaar and eating parotta chops in Saravana Bhavan! 

2 comments

Whatz the hurry?

Author: Anu Karthik / Labels: ,

Feb 9th 2010

We all live in a world where it is truly survival of the fittest. That does not necessarily mean that the ones who are not the fittest don't survive, but conventional wisdom has shown that the one more prepared does much better than the unprepared. Add on to this mix, a sense of wanting to achieve, excel in everything we take on and you are left with a generation that is constantly running, period.

And this feeling is not any different in mommyland or for new parents. Many parents like me are still trying to cope with the constant discussion surrounding what milestone the child has currently achieved and what you should be doing to ensure that he/she is on the path to excellence. It does not matter that the kid is barely 2 feet tall, can just about walk on its own and still pooping in diapers. It actually started the day he/she is born.

From friendly inquiries to "Has she started smiling yet?", to "Usually at this month they do this and that" to advice that asks to be accepted "By this age I used to give my son finger foods and he did just FINE with them!", "Are u still breast feeding, shouldn't you stop by now otherwise it will be very difficult and they will cling on to you!", "He STILL wakes up in the night? (utter disbelief and clear contempt for me as a mother that I still allow it)", to just plain old peer pressure "Is he talking yet, my daughter was babbling by this time! ", "You don't make his food daily? I always prepared the meals fresh, I am not one of those who give their kids peanut butter and jelly every day! ". 

If you are naive enough and listen to this, you will end up losing out on a very very important milestone in your and your child's life, that of living in the moment. What is the hurry for him/her to do things, once he starts to walk, he is never going to crawl again is he? Once those teeth start to show, can u ever bring back that toothless smile (OK, the bad one when you lose the front teeth at age 6-7, doesn't count!)? Once your child grows, he is not going to wake up in the night and want to nuzzle. He will want to sleep in his own bed and do his own thing and one day he is going to say " Amma, stop! Can I please do it on my own?" [I will be thankful if he says please in the first place]. 

Don't shed tears that day, instead if you have spent your time now living in the moment and enjoying what they have to offer everyday, you will be proud to see him/her move on. So hit the snooze on the clock that is constantly ticking and hug that little bundle a bit tighter. Read an extra story and break another toy.  Listen to that babble one more time and don't correct. Pick that lazy butt and go on a walk or stroll in the park and see the world through those teeny eyes, you will be amazed by how much you have been missing. Tell me really, how many times have you been amazed by a bug on the fence or a piece of paper that flies or a steetlight, you will be now!

And for those who don't have kids yet, remember this when you are scrambling to fit work, home, family and what remains of a life into the waking 18 or 19 hrs!

P.S.-1 No comment or quote in this post is made up, they are based on the author's observations and experiences :P

P.S.-2 This is no way means V gets to be an artist or a rock bander or a high school dropout. He will do what he has to, but to the best of his ability, not to his neighbor's or classmate's!


5 comments

To Amma & Appa with love

Author: Anu Karthik / Labels: , ,

Becoming a parent has certainly changed me, for the better I would like to think. However, not everyone around me would agree I am positive. One thing for sure that it did is make me value some things more in my life that I certainly took for granted before. We are the persons we are because of everything around us and what we absorb and I am the parent I am because of how my parents were. If one thing, becoming a parent has certainly made me closer to them and I value their presence in my life all the more.

The day V went to daycare, everyday as I sit at work watching the clock tick I understand how my parents must have felt when they left me in Pilani, after having their children as their sole focus all 18 years I was with them. Their tear stained faces and pained glances gain more meaning as I wait to be with my son and suffer every minute I am apart.

The calls everyday from India and my irritation at some of those times that I cannot take back; now make we wonder how they must have craved to hear my voice. Even after having my son with me by my side I cannot just have enough, how can I think that they will proceed with life when they let me go so many miles away?

I now understand the challenge it must have been for my mother to make an **interesting tiffin** (in my words) every single day I came home from school. When asked what I would like for lunch/dinner, many a times I have responded that "It is boring amma, same thing". Now when I have to prepare meals for my family, I expect to be appreciated even if I serve the same dish once in 2 weeks, and mind you I don't even make tiffin, it is only 3 meals a day :P I want to kiss her hands and massage the feet that stood in the kitchen taking care of us day after day as I grew up ignorant and oblivious to her effort.

Today I can relate to the passion with which my father would watch our every move. I can relate to his desire to provide the best and nothing but that for his children. I hope to have his energy when he used to come and coach me with lessons after spending more than 18 hrs a day seeing his patients. Gone is the annoyance I felt that he read my personal letters that I wrote in school, gone is the anger when he disciplined me. I understand today that it comes with being a good parent. When he hugs me tight today I understand what he feels because I feel the same when I hug my son.

By no means does this post idolize only my parents. It is a salute to all those who strive to live their life with the children as their driving force. Much as a child gives, it takes from you to be a parent. And to be a good one, a kind that will allow you to go to sleep with a smile on your face is no easy task. It does become a way of life and requires no effort when you start to live, eat and breathe your child in everything you do.

As King Khan rightly said "Having a child is like taking a part of your soul and putting it in another body and allowing it walk in front of you. The child is part of you, is you".

P.S. I will work on the maintaing a distance part when V is old enough to be a teenager, right now I am just reveling in this feeling.

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