Me, myself and Anu

Nov 11^th 2009

Disclaimer: This article is meant for individuals over 18. If you are under that age you should be not be reading this. Please close this webpage and go back to whatever else you were doing. The author urges the audience to not spend time wondering if this a reflection of her personal life, instead to feel and experience and reminisce about the passion in their lives J

“Passion” Google dictionary defines it as follows:

- a strong feeling or emotion

- heat: the trait of being intensely emotional

- rage: something that is desired intensely; "his rage for fame destroyed him"

- mania: an irrational but irresistible motive for a belief or action

- a feeling of strong sexual desire

- love: any object of warm affection or devotion; "the theater was her first love"; "he has a passion for cock fighting";

- the suffering of Jesus at the Crucifixion

About a month ago when I took V out for a walk in the afternoon he was bored, and wanted some more. So I went to what is there as an excuse for a community park (just a bunch of slides really). And there I saw two teenagers sitting cuddling with each other sharing their sweet nothings. Not having the heart to interrupt them I brought my toddler home. And then as I was driving home today at around 8 pm I saw a young teenage couple completely lost in a lip lock at the corner of the street under a streetlight. What was I doing at 8 pm driving out you ask ?! Nothing spicy, just picking up our to-go order, our weekend came a bit early J

Being a parent puts a total spin on things. Off late such a sight evokes a lot of emotions in me that veer towards the future thinking what would I do if one day it was my son with his girlfriend. Would he share his feelings with me or would he say ‘Mom, please don’t interfere!’?

But today I let it go (after all it is a long way hopefully) and thought instead of that passionate feeling that makes you lose yourself. I thought about infatuation and falling in love for the first time. I reminisced about the stolen glances in each other’s direction immediately disappearing when one noticed the other. I reveled in the memory of butterflies in my stomach when I waited for him, or saw him from afar or even heard his name being mentioned by friends. When you lose all conscious thought and become so lost that you see, hear and breathe things only associated with him. When you are truly consumed with that one single emotion. When every activity you do from the time to wake up every day is a means to an end- the end being the few hours you spend with each other. When rationale and reasoning become unknown words in your vocabulary. When hours do seem like minutes and minutes of togetherness last you weeks. When mundane tasks like button sewing take special meaning when it is a button on his shirt. Sharing a drink or a bite from his plate tastes a teeny bit more special. Sneaking to spend time instead of being in class or studying, alas you are performing in a limited capacity aren’t you? You have lost yourself along with your senses. And that rage and anger at any other of the species that speaks more than what in your mind is casual and allowed, ha!

Today I have regained my senses some. And while that passion and rage is replaced some by a deep, glowing warmth in my heart, a feeling too wonderful to describe, I feel and encounter with my son the passion that his father opened my heart to experience. In a very different way but with as much intensity that I never even knew I was capable of until I met these men in my life.