Happy Women’s day to every wonderful woman I know!
As we celebrate the 100th anniversary for this women's day- What does it mean to celebrate women on one day in a year and not do much the other 364 days, not much I say! And when we as women don’t do much to empower other women, and are in fact the cause in most cases for how society treats us..well, I am not sure where to start, so many thoughts plague my mind and I’ll try to focus on a few.
Obsession with the Male and all things associated
It has never stopped bothering me how most of the society we live in still unabashedly prays/wishes and blesses a pregnant woman that she birth a male child. Not a healthy child first and foremost mind you, but a male child. I can understand why the male child was so coveted in the past – easy enough to understand. Earning member in the family, progeny, no expenses for weddings, claim to dowry, bearer of all family burdens. The son is considered the one who will take care of parents, especially as they age and succumb to needing help. But correct me if I am wrong, it is the daughter in law or the son who *actually* does the taking care part, the tending to the whims and fancies part, the raising the children part, and finally giving up her own family to accept the new family as her own from the day she steps into the house. And in today’s world, add to all of this the paycheck she also brings home. So why why why is the female child not the one who is coveted? Should she not be the one who is a boon to have and the one whom every mother prays for? And pray why is it that a lady – who is a female is the one who prays/wishes and blesses for a son and not a man doing it? Why is it a mid-wife who is again a woman again who kills the female child. Maybe because she does not want another daughter to undergo what she underwent? Beats me.
Marriage, Dowry and the associated
It is sad that most of our society still looks up to a lady who has borne only sons. It is sadder that they look down upon women who only have girls. And what do these women who have sons do – demand a big fat wedding from these other women who have daughters..so it is a woman to woman dealing here?! And while the son will go to any length to procure that cell phone or the bike that he wants or the romance at college that he will lie to his parents about, he will not go against his parents’ wishes being the obedient boy when they ask the girl’s parents to bear the wedding expenses. How convenient. Really? If you have not watched the movie “Father of the Bride” please do and that is the kind of worry a father should have. About the kind of love his daughter will receive, about how he is going to share her, not how he is going to afford the wedding. And to be frank what bothers most parents our generation is not even the question of affordability but the fact that it is taken for granted or assumed that they foot the bill and the groom’s parents think it is their birthright to ask for the same. Worse even is when they don’t even realize that what they are doing is wrong and in fact laud themselves personally that they don’t ask for a dowry. Really?
So it is wrong to have a grand wedding one might ask? Most definitely not. Weddings are usually once a lifetime affair and who says you should not celebrate it when those memories are with you for all your life. But how you go about it, who foots the bill and what you request vs. demand vs. own yourself will make those memories even more pleasant and will set a precedent for every member who attends your D day too.
Women – our own enemy
“My husband absolutely needs variety, he will not eat what I cook for lunch at dinner, I need to make something new every time.”
“Yes I come from a very modern family, we both work. But I still do 80% of the household chores too. After all that is the least I can do when I am allowed to work.”
“My daughter already has a daughter, I pray that at least her next one is a son.”
“Yeah, she is a real hi-fi type. Always wears make up and jeans. I don’t think she is family oriented at all.”
“Stop it! Don’t keep crying like a girl. Buck up and be a man!”
If any of the above sound familiar to you, just think about how you as a woman are putting yourself down. How you are empowering the male all the more in our society. How you personally by judging other women, are your own enemy. And the sad reality is much as we think we belong to a generation that is no longer facing these issues, if we take a moment and pause and think, it might not be these but I am sure there are other similar ones that you would have experienced. It would not hurt to stop a moment and think if each of us are doing anything consciously to hinder the progress women are making or actually helping it. Are we treating our own friends, our own children and our own parents –male and female alike? A small change personally will go a long way to change the ways of the world.
PS1: I have had the good fortune to be associated with some men and women who are exceptional in putting to practice what they preach, what they want to have, being the change they want to see. This post talks about the problems that plague us in general even in this generation and these individuals through their small ways impact the world around them in more ways than they know. Hopefully we can all be one of them!
PS2: While these touch on some issues that come to my mind, the worst undoubtedly is child sexual abuse and there it is a boon to be born a female as they are the ones in demand for trafficking, in the most pitiful sense definitely. And in most of these brothels it is other women who are the matrons who break these young minds and hearts.
While we may not be able to change everything in a day, with our thoughts, words and deeds let us help create a better world for the women of tomorrow. It is a pledge that every woman must make so that in the next 100 years, discrimination against the fairer sex will only be seen/read in history texts. It should never be ok that women are meant to be beaten and broken and violated - be it physically or mentally. And all this in many cases by another woman. And for that to change, the women must first take note and come together.
Is it too much to hope and ask that the women in our world come together so that *female* and *girl* become synonymous for how our scriptures intended us to be - revered and respected.
Things that fueled this post:
This link shared by Gayathri, and this one by Bhargavi on Facebook. Krish Ashok in The Alternative - here. Many a conversation and personal experiences.
