Thatha, I miss you

Author: Anu Karthik / Labels: , ,

Jan 23rd 2010

Thatha, I miss you. It has been over two years that you are no more, but I think of you still as often. Sometimes I can't believe you are no more. Staying so far away I never saw at the end you and so have never found closure. I always have images of you alive and I am happy in a way to have you such in my memory.

For someone who has a very poor memory of her childhood, I have very distinct memories of my times with you. I remember you as a strict grandfather who chose to dote on his granddaughters in secret. I look back in awe how you traced out the abcs in beautiful cursive in the three ruled notebook and had me write over it. I owe my good handwriting to you. I remember our times at the temple every evening when you went to chant your vishnu sahasranamam, the time I lost my silver anklet while playing in the garden and you hid it after finding it and made me search in utter fear for a whole hour before giving it to me. I think back with fond memories how you took us to appu ghar when we visited you, bought me a ball and a doll in delhi not knowing hindi. I remember that we took dance and then singing because you wanted us to. It is a different story I excelled in neither at that time. 

Thatha, I remember with tears when you got the stroke and appa rushed to see you. Seeing you paralyzed was a shock as you have been more active than anyone I know. More than anything I think it killed you and appa that you lost your independence and freedom. It burns a little to think how you spent all those years just lying sometimes staring into space. That sharp mind of yours wasted. I remember hugging you and feeling you suddenly like a child next to me. Thatha, I miss you so much!

When I found out I was expecting Vrushab, next to sharing the news with Karthik and of course appa amma and anitha, I longed to tell you! I regret you never got to see him, to hold him in your arms, to have him feel your stubble, run his baby fingers on your bald head. He would have pulled your glasses surely, I know! I cry sometimes because I was never able to see the pride in your eyes, hear your laughter as I relate his antics to you. You must be watching him from above right?  He reminds me of you in more ways than you know and I think of you so much more. 

I envy all the people I know who have their grandparents alive. But I am at peace for not all know a grandfather like you.


Meera said...

Grandparents are a joy.. whether they are strict disciplinarians or loving hearts. There are some vivid memories and some loving moments - i used to spend afternoons in my granny's lap when she narrated all those mythological stories. Loved her ginger chutney which i can never ever master... so many memories. But you post brought a choke to my throat.. very heartfelt and well written girl!!!

MaySan said...

Isnt it 3 years already?

Anu Karthik said...

@ meera: thanks meera. i have been seeing more and more of him in V..I guess your eyes see what you want to.

@ mayur: nope. It was jan 11th 2008. for Vijay's grandpa it is 3 yrs i think.

MaySan said...

You mean just before V and A's wedding? I thought it was before they got engaged?

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